Reviews: a great book on diet culture and a film about female desire
Mrs D is Not on a Diet and Babygirl
Kia ora all!
Thanks for your feedback on my last post. I’m glad my ‘antihistamine’ snafu story made you laugh. It has reliably amused 100% of the people I’ve told it to… proof perhaps that no matter how old we are, bums are funny.
Today - a couple of reviews of things (relevant to midlife and made, you might say, for us) that I think you might find interesting and/or entertaining.
BOOK: Mrs D is Not on a Diet, by Lotta Dann
So first a disclosure: I am in this book; Lotta interviewed me as part of her research, and she’s included a few quotes from me inside. I want you to know this review would stand even if that wasn’t the case, though. And it is an excellent read.
You may know Lotta Dann from her writing on alcohol; she’s written three books around her struggle with drinking and the wider alcohol industry’s dark doings; she works in the addiction space and has helped countless people re-think and manage their relationships with alcohol. It’s not that much of a stretch, in my mind, that she has turned her attention now to that other nefarious industry: diets.
Subtitled ‘exposing the lies of diet culture’, this is a deeply personal book. It starts with Lotta on a diet; a strict, cut-out-lots-of foods; weigh-every-morsel kinds of diet, the kind many of us have been on. It’s working for her. She’s smaller than she’s ever been, and she is having praise heaped on her from every quarter. She’s won the body comp; she’s the ‘right’ size and shape, according to the arbitrary body standards we’re all required to live by.
And then, she isn’t. As with all diets, Lotta’s diet proves unsustainable. And she spirals into diet cycling, weight loss and regain, unhappiness and negativity.
That’s what sparked what this book recounts: her discovery of the evils of diet culture and the many ways it monetises us feeling bad about ourselves. She learns about rejecting diet culture; the non-diet approach and gentle nutrition, and delves into body acceptance and how to do the hard, hard work of learning to love herself just as she is. She learns to embrace health, not size. There are lots of bumps along the road, and it’s not a perfectly resolved tale; as with all of us on this journey, this takes practice, and Lotta is the first to admit she’s still practicing. In my opinion, self-acceptance takes constant, lifelong practice, so I love that this isn’t all wrapped up neatly with an ‘I solved the problem and you can too!’ bow.
She does leave us with hope, though. And whether or not you’ve read my stuff about this (especially the stuff in The Everything Guide) I think you will find something good here. Lotta shines a very personal light on diet culture, and it’s a much-needed one. Recommend.
FILM: Babygirl
This is Nicole Kidman’s latest movie, in cinemas now. Is it just me, or is that woman seriously PROLIFIC?! She’s everywhere; it feels like all the time. Such a hard worker. And I am here for the fact that midlife women are in demand for lead roles, and now seem to be regularly headlining films like this one.
In Babygirl Kidman plays Romy, a woman at the peak of her professional power as the founder and CEO of a robotics company. She’s married to Jacob, played by Antonio Banderas in a subdued role; it reminded me in a not-unpleasing way of how we often see wives portrayed in movies centring male characters. Kind of barely sketched out.
In a development that did require suspension of disbelief for me, we learn that Romy can’t orgasm with Jacob, and apparently never has. (Personally, having Puss in Boots purring ‘let’s play’ to me in bed would probably get me on the way, but each to their own…) We see Romy turning to online porn to get off; she’s craving something Jacob can’t give her.
We soon learn what that something is. Romy becomes involved with a young intern at her company, Samuel, who somehow tunes into what she craves: the giving up of control. The two start a dom/sub affair. The stakes are high; there’s a power imbalance here and we all know it. It’s compelling to watch as Romy surrenders control and risks losing everything; something you get the feeling she might secretly actually want.
Kidman is so good here. We see beneath the glossy exterior (which is very glossy; lots of silk blouses and killer heels and gorgeous, gorgeous interiors) to a woman on the edge; she’s conflicted but also craving; killing it professionally but unsatisfied sexually; finally finding liberation but at an unbearable cost.
The film looks beautiful; there’s some sexy scenes and some mildly kinky ones. If you’re expecting a Fifty Shades type of thing, this isn’t it. There are no leashes or handcuffs here (though there is some weird stuff with milk). It’s more of an exploration of power, female desire, pleasure and vulnerability and what happens when women do and don’t voice what they really want. Recommend this one, too.